This is the Oscars, for Crying Out Loud

There are no E’s for Effort for our Worst Dressed offenders.  Get it together.

Melissa McCarthy paid homage to Bridemaids in a sienna rose jeweled gown by Marina Rinaldi. McCarthy is reportedly starting her own clothing line. I love her; just not in this dress.  Surely there was a more flattering design to be had (i.e. from Tadashi Shoji, perhaps? They have proven they understand and celebrate a fuller silhouette.). 

Another no: Natalie Portman’s vintage scarlet and black polka dot gown by Dior.  I’m not sure polka dots are ever a wise choice for the red carpet.

And a special note for you, Sacha Baron Cohen (and Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj and everyone else who wants to be so “different”): come as YOURSELF.  Costumes and gimmicks at the Oscars? Leave those to the host.  Except for blackface.  That is never appropriate.

No ma’am Melissa Leo: a matronly black and gold sequined combo with an unfortunate ribbon belt?  And what looks the top part of a short-sleeved shirt stuffed into a strapless evening gown? #dobetter

Emma Stone’s fire engine red Giambattista Valli has been seen before, on Nicole Kidman wearing a similar version by Balenciaga in 2007.   And I liked it better on Nicole.

Why take home an Oscar when you can come dressed as one?  Best Actress winner Meryl Streep did, in a golden draped Lanvin. And so did Access Hollywood’s Shaun Robinson, in a Romona Keveza gold number straight from Caesars Palace. But Stacy Keibler in (Marchesa) did it better, ladies!

Trend that needs to stop?  Split and/or sheer sleeves, as seen on Jennifer Lopez (in Zuhair Murad), Berenice Bejo (in Elie Saab), Sherri Shepherd, the aforementioned Melissa McCarthy, Livia Firth and Amara Miller.  This is not prom season 1974.  Stop trying to make matronly, peek-a-boo and fluttery sleeves happen. And we should not be able to see your lingerie, Sherri.

What else wasn’t cool? Angelina Jolie must be taking lessons from the Lea Michele book of “Look at ME!” posing.  The slit-up-to-HERE black velvet Atelier Versace was lovely, and I get that it’s couture and meant to give leg drama, but it was too much. We don’t all want to see your inner thigh.

Final thoughts? Jane Seymour’s ensemble made me sad, because it reminded me of how beautiful she used to be when she wasn’t trying so hard. She’s a gorgeous woman, but the low cut, red sequined look is just wrong. Bo Derek, on the other hand, is still a “10” (pun intended) in her figure flattering navy gown. And I still am scratching my head over Busy Phillip’s grey lace Dolce & Gabbana.  Scarlett O’Hara did curtains already.

So fab ones, what have we learned? Don’t wear something someone else wore better in recent history.  Stay away from dowdy touches.  Don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself with outlandish posing. Be sexy AND age appropriate.  And leave the Halloween costume in your closet.  You’ve been warned.

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Images via InStyle/Getty

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3 thoughts on “This is the Oscars, for Crying Out Loud

  1. Ok, I’m getting scared! We think so much alike! I’m reading your post going “Um huh! That’s right.”

    And Angelina Jolie, oh my word, what was she thinking throwing her leg out of her hip socket every time she thought the camera was pointed at her. It would have been so charming to have seen her in that gown without those acrobatics.

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